My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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