how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
