I don't think brook has ever known best
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
