Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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