Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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