I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
