Banned from zoo.
Again?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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