omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
