Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
