how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
