Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just high enough for therapy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
