remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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