She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
