I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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