I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
