Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
