Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
