To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
