We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
