I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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