am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
