I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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