U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
