Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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