I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
