I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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