I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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