omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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