there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
