There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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