I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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