no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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