Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
