i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
