actually, I'm a sock model
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..