Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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