I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day