So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wish you could order shots online.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
