It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.