I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.