everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?