White coat. Heels.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK