hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
