I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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