remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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