She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
