So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
