My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
