yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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