Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
