Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
