cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
