so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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