I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
