Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
