The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
