This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
