He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
