they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
