3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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