I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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