Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
