The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Holy shit dude........stairs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
