i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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