New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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