Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
