This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
