Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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