If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize