I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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