My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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