How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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